


The Other Side of Things

by GreenT



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AUs, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-03
Updated: 2013-05-04
Packaged: 2017-12-10 08:02:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/783717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenT/pseuds/GreenT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at the lives of those often overlooked. <br/>Bad guys have feelings too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dragoness

They say Smaug took the Mountain because of a dragoness. 

The stories vary wildly on her actions.

Some claim he stormed the Lonely Mountain to please her, to attract her, and she spurned him for some other mate. 

Others say she broke his heart and he attacked to make her jealous of his golden hoard. 

Another version is that they were a happy couple before she was slain by dwarves, and he assaulted Erebor in revenge.

And there are some who say he conquered the Lonely Mountain for her, his pregnant mate, as a nest. That she was killed on her journey there in revenge for his actions. That he blames himself every day for her death. 

The stories vary widely on what she looked like. 

Some claim she was a red fire drake, like him, and that her scales gleamed like rubies and she could rain golden fire on her enemies. 

Others say she was a turquoise-colored ice-dragon, and that he loved her for all the reasons they were opposites. 

Another version is that she was a water-dragon, almost an eel in appearance with emerald scales and piercing eyes. 

And there are some who say she was a small, golden dragon, with little tracks of tan fur on her wings and spine. That her appearance was more sought after than the gold that drakes are known to covet. That it was love at first sight for both. 

The stories vary broadly on her why Smaug loved her. 

Some claim she was a fierce fighter, feisty and strong, and that she had killed more enemies than most males ever did. 

Others say she quick-witted, with a sarcastic streak that could make wizards laugh loudly, until they were so distracted she could eat them (though no one was sure if she had ever actually eaten one).

Another version is that she was unusually kind and gentle for a dragon, only eating livestock and straying away from Men and Elves because she didn’t see a reason to cause conflict, and that Smaug was attracted her because she was so different than most drakes. 

And there are some who say he loved her because she was clever. That she had a tendency to speak in riddles and he enjoyed figuring them out. That she was cautious to let others get close to her and he wanted to know who she was and what she was really like.

None of these stories are true. 

The truth, as few may know it, is that Smaug was actually gay, but that he was a strong, independent fire-drake that didn’t need no dragon. He could take care of himself, thank you very much. 

Not that he wasn’t lonely. Conquering something called “The Lonely Mountain” did have its drawbacks. 

And maybe, just maybe, there was something in the tiny, invisible thief that he found he liked. Something that he was actually attracted to. Not strength or brawn or wealth or power, but a kindness. A creature was risking his life, not for himself or his people, but because it was right. 

They say Smaug died old and alone. 

But the stories vary wildly.


	2. Father and Son

Azog was the greatest father anyorc could ask for, if you asked Bolg. 

He was brave and strong and a good king. 

Azog taught Bolg to speak and ride and fight. 

Azog was gentle and caring and a good parent. 

When Bolg lost his mother, Azog was there. 

When Azog lost his hand, Bolg was there. 

When the two died in the Battle of Five Armies, they were together, father and son.


	3. Bloody Dwarves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil has had it with this shit.

Thranduil’s shoulders slumped in relief. 

The dwarves had escaped. 

About Valar-damned time.

Holy Eru, what did a King have to do to get some thick-headed prisoners out of his kingdom these days? Those dwarves were stinky and rough and—Ugh!—so hairy! 

How did they even live like that? Didn’t they get hairballs or something? Very unhygienic, keeping a beard like that when food or knick-knacks or Valar-knows-what-else might get lost in it. 

The hobbit he hadn’t minded, though the Halfling took his sweet time getting the dwarves out. It had been incredibly annoying having to remind the guards to pretend they didn’t know he was there. But he hadn’t done anything awful or stolen more than he needed, and he stayed out of their way. 

The dwarves were lucky to have him. 

Thorin “Thick-Headed” Oakenshield was lucky to have him. Bloody idiot. 

For Mahal’s sake, who got captured by Trolls?!

Thranduil shook his head. He supposed it wasn’t the dwarf king’s fault entirely. Evidently his nephews had played a large part in that fiasco, and guardians tend to think more for their children than is wise. 

Which is what got the elf king into this mess, now that he thought about it. 

Legolas just had to go and capture the bunch of randy-smelling, foul-language using, utterly stubborn dwarves. Not to mention insult one’s wife. That had caused quite a ruckus…

But Legolas had been so proud. 

The prince never got to go far out of the Greenwood (and Thranduil swore to find whoever started calling it Mirkwood and remove their genitalia slowly with a pair of sharpened antlers) and was so excited when he saw the dwarves. Oh look! An invading army! Let’s go drag their starving behinds back to our kingdom so they can stink up the place!

Perhaps it was a good thing Legolas had found them. They had been starving and very heavily weighed down by the spider poison. Probably wouldn’t have lasted a few days. 

Stupid dwarves and their stupid lack of foresight. Really, the wizard should have just told them to dig their way into Erebor. 

But at least they were gone. Thranduil had to plan a whole feast on the fly just to give the uncreative fools a chance. He would have just them all drugged and shoved in the barrels himself if they failed to do it on their own. 

Thranduil had wanted to find a way to get the short buggers out of his damn kingdom as fast as possible without Legolas feeling bad. A feast where the prince would have to be present and not on guard? Perfect. And Thranduil made sure the head guard knew where the heaviest wines rested, and that there were plenty of empty barrels waiting for the daring escape. 

Tauriel had rolled her eyes and snorted when she heard his plan, but enacted it all the same. He had grown a little worried when he noticed how much time she was spending at one particularly young, particularly princely, prisoner’s cell, (damn youngsters and their bloody hormones and rebellious attitudes) but she served with honor and got them the Halls-of-Mandos out of his kingdom. 

Legolas spent the whole day in his room switching from bouts of crying to pouting and back, but eventually got over it. 

Thranduil hoped that neither he nor his son would ever have to see a dwarf again. 

But some sixty years later, Thranduil’s shoulders slumped once again, this time in shock and horror, when he got the wedding invitation. 

Stupid, stinky, son-stealing half-pint.


	4. Love at First Fight

Azog was cursing internally. 

In his situation, most would. 

He wasn’t cursing because he was out in some stupid playground at some ungodly hour when he could be happily sleeping in his mansion. He wasn’t cursing because the newest cocaine shipment was late. He wasn’t cursing because he had just discovered his son was gay. 

No, he was cursing because he had just discovered his son was dating Kili Durin, nephew of the most successful District Attorney that New York had seen in decades, Thorin Oakenshield. 

Who was also pointing a gun at him, while he pointed one back. 

It had all begun some months ago when Bolg had been acting more distant at the beginning of his senior year in high school. Azog had always doted on his son, but their relationship had been strained since Bolg’s mother died. Azog thought giving him some space would be healthy. It wasn’t easy being the son of the biggest mob boss in the state. 

When Azog started noticing the behavior, staying after school later and going out at night, he assumed Bolg was seeing someone. He was happy for his son. It was hard finding someone to get close to when you’re albino, and they both were. And Bolg wasn’t the cutest guy on the block anyway. Azog guessed that his son didn’t want to scare his date away by introducing them to his mafia family immediately, so he let it go, waiting for Bolg to do it when he wanted. 

But it went on for months. 

Azog was sure Bolg was seeing someone, and after two months of waiting he decided he should know what they were getting up to, like any good parent. 

So Azog bugged him. 

Meaning he put a microphone on his son and sat at a radio to listen. 

And that’s when he discovered Bolg was gay. 

It was obvious that Bolg’s companion was male, and that they were romantically involved, but they didn’t seem to be doing anything dangerous. Azog decided that his son’s sexuality must have been why he wasn’t telling him. Bolg was scared of coming out. Azog couldn’t exactly empathize, but he did what he could to show Bolg that he was completely indifferent to anyone’s sexuality. When they talked about politics, Azog always made it clear he would support anyone who supported gay marriage. He thought Bolg would feel more comfortable and come out. 

After a month, he still hadn’t. 

So Azog decided to be proactive. 

In retrospect it probably wasn’t the best idea to secretly follow his son out to the park late at night to see who he was dating and tell Bolg he was happy for him. 

If he hadn’t, he never would have seen Bolg kissing Kili Durin, never would have gotten out of the car and bolted to his son’s side, tearing him out of the other boy’s arms. 

And Thorin Oakenshield, D.A. and Royal Pain in the Ass, would never have done the exact same thing with his nephew. 

But he had, and here they were.

Azog had one hand on his son’s arm, another pointing a gun at Thorin, with the D.A. in the same position. 

“Dad! No!” Bolg shouted, struggling to get away.

“Get in the car, Bolg,” he ordered. 

“Put the gun down, dammit!” Kili roared at his uncle, who held like a vice. 

“Kili, go home. I’ll handle this.”

The men glared daggers at each other, teeth bared and knuckles white.

“Dad! I love him!” Bolg shrieked. All heads snapped to the son. Wide-eyes and shock pervaded the area. 

“You…you do?” Kili asked, disbelieving but with a smile beginning to show. 

“Yes!” Bolg yelled, and ripped from his father’s grasp and headed towards Kili. The brunette tore away from his uncle and the two embraced. 

“I love you too,” Kili said quietly into Bolg’s shoulder, just loud enough for the adults to hear. The men stare dumbstruck at their children, because of all the ridiculous things—

“Thorin! You put that gun down right now!” Bilbo shouted. The four heads snapped to the small man storming towards them from the parking lot. 

“Bilbo?!” Thorin yelped at the sight of his husband, “Get out of here! Run!”

“Oh no!” Bilbo snapped, “You are not ruining this for Kili! Boys, get in my car!” 

Kili and Bolg stared at Bilbo, then looked at each other, then back to Bilbo. 

They ran towards the car. 

“Bilbo! You’re encouraging them?!” Thorin spluttered, because he knew Bilbo hated Azog nearly as much as he did. 

“Yes I am, Thorin Oakensheild,” Bilba scolded, “And you two need to put those pistols away immediately. Those two were brave enough to try and see each other under your noses so they don’t need you both destroying what they’ve worked hard for!”

“How long have you known?” Azog snarled. 

“Since the beginning. I do teach at their school,” Bilbo answered curtly. 

“And you didn’t tell me?!” Thorin roared. 

“No. I didn’t. Because I knew you would do something stupid. Perhaps if you two paid a little more attention to your families and not your jobs you would have noticed. Now go shoot each other if you want but I am taking those boys to the movies where they can be happy.”

And with that, Bilbo turned away after the boys, leaving the mob boss and prosecutor alone. 

They glanced at each other, their eyes meeting. 

“I can’t believe this,” Thorin groaned, lowering his gun.

“Me neither,” Azog said, holstering his own. 

“I’m still going to hunt you,” Thorin said. 

“And I’m still going to make more money than you ever will,” Azog smirked, “But we’ll leave them out of it.”

“Deal.”


End file.
